31 Weeks & Nesting

Most days I can't believe that we are down to a single digit weekly countdown to when this baby is slated to arrive! But then we start nearing bedtime and I realize that 8 weeks and 3 days cannot come soon enough. Just the thought of "resting" my hips on my mattress makes the tears well up. This part- the part where I'm so over being pregnant yet have two months left- sucks.

Sleeping is all I think about all day long...and all night long I can't wait for the morning so that I can finally end the misery that I have come to know as sleep.  It's going to be a very long two months.

On the plus side, we had an ultrasound to check on the baby yesterday.  We're rockin' a marginal cord insertion and the Doctor wanted to make sure that the baby was growing ok and that there were no cord complications. Everything looks great. She's measuring a full 9 days ahead (scratch the previous countdown to 7 weeks, woo hoo!) and is weighing in at 4.5 pounds already. She is sitting SUPER low, which I obviously had already figured out. I was just glad that she didn't have any growth problems and that after all the work I've put into her nursery, she is still a she. Oh, and her head is not in the 99th percentile. This is excellent news.

We didn't pay for a 3D/4D ultrasound, but the tech was nice enough to switch it over so we could see her face. She's got cheeks. Big squishy ones. Just like her big brother. And, surprisingly, hair. I'm still skeptical about this though. It could just be an enormous amount of peach fuzz. The tech was convinced it's hair. Blonde babies are bald though and the odds of us having anything other than a blonde baby are pretty slim, so I'm not going to set my heart on her having hair. It all falls out anyway, right?

Paul has put his foot down and forced me to stop overdoing it after I pulled a major stomach muscle bending over and pushing an empty cardboard box. Now I just kick stuff around instead. I'm not going to lie, I don't enjoy the physical limitations. If my body would keep up with me, I'd be cleaning constantly...even the things that are already clean. I'm just...nesting.

I've almost finished the nursery. There is just ONE LAST thing I need to do. I've been telling Paul that I've had one more project at least 5 projects ago. But seriously, I just need to do this one last thing and then I'm done. Paul's uncle is driving down from Detroit to visit for Thanksgiving. I think I'll hold off on the deep cleaning until then. I mean, why deep clean a stove that is obviously going to get very dirty in the creation of Thanksgiving dinner? Exactly.

That's what tired looks like.

This was the first appointment where my doctor didn't lecture me about my weight gain. 1 1/2 pounds in the last month. My secret? Well, first I starved for 3 days and then I gave up and ate normally and only gained 1 1/2 pounds. I have no idea.

And here is our baby girl again. If you look closely you can see her tooth buds! Craziness. Also, those lips. 

I honestly can't wait for her to be here and out of my stomach. I very much look forward to that.

I Love Lucy

I always know when James needs a nap or when he needs some downtime

.

1. He wants to snuggle

2. He wants to watch an episode of I Love Lucy

It's like his ultimate combo for calming down and relaxing.

James LOVES I Love Lucy.

It seriously cracks me up. 

He gets all the jokes and can recite his favorite episodes.

Yesterday we were watching an episode where Lucy and Ethel confront Ricky and Fred about an amazing invention that would keep their hands from being soggy (a dishwasher) and Ricky replied that he knew what they wanted: rubber gloves!

It just so happens that at the exact moment, Paul was doing the dishes. James whispered in my ear that he wanted to make a surprise for his daddy: dish gloves! It just so happened that I had a brand new package under the sink so James found a ribbon and put his little gift together. 

As soon as Paul came home today James rushed downstairs with his present. . I don't think Paul knew what to think until I explained that it came from I Love Lucy.

We love our funny, thoughtful little boy.

I Am a Child of God

Today was the primary program in sacrament meeting. 

It was James' first.

All the kids came up with their own parts. They had to finish the line, "I know I am a child of God because..."

I'd been told for weeks that he had his part memorized and he was very confident. 

I was a little nervous that he would blurt out some random thing about games, or his imaginary "boss," or a number of other crazy obsessions he has right now.

He was perfect.

He kept his hands in his pockets while singing I Am a Child of God. 

He said his part with no help. 

"I know I am a child of God because I'm getting a baby sister."

I love watching his testimony grow. 

I love that he loves church. 

I love that his teachers are so patient with him. 

I love that he knows without a question that his Heavenly Father loves him. 

Autumn

Turns out my favorite season is pretty lame in Texas.

It's still hot (although it's cooling down...highs are in the high 80s/low 90s).

The only changing colors can be found in weeds and grass that have given way to a lovely yellowish brown.

Apple season was over in August, apparently. I missed that. I had planned to go out to an apple orchard  North of us...but when I called they scoffed at my stupidity in not knowing that the season is months early here.

Oops.

Not all is lost though. There's a big corn maze and some festivals and we are planning a trip out to some nature reserve that has maple trees so hopefully we will see some Fall colors yet!

At least our house looks like Fall!

James asked me last week if I would make him a surprise countdown to Halloween. 

Um, surprise? He was quite upset with me when he walked upstairs and saw what I was doing and realized that he wouldn't be surprised. 

He's an odd one.

Halloween isn't really my thing. 

I don't like being scared, I don't enjoy dressing up, and candy makes me fat. I know. I'm weird. 

BUT, my kid loves it and so I went all out...as usual.

I didn't wake up yesterday thinking about making this countdown calendar, but it did take up the majority of two days. So glad it's done and James can have fun counting down. Some of the things on our list:

Make Fall Crafts

Spooky Movie Nights (G rated, not-so-scary spooky movies)

Family Trips to Corn Mazes and Fall Festivals

Special Treat Days (Sundays)

Spooky Lunches and Dinners

Pumpkin Carving

Make Fall Treats

I think he's going to love it, but I sometimes think that my kid doesn't grasp my awesomeness in obliging his crazy requests.

And, if you've made it this long, here's a picture of me at 25 weeks in all my double-chinned glory. 15 more weeks (more or less)!

Canning Disasters

Being Fall and all, and being that apples and peaches were only 88 cents a pound, I did the only natural thing and made up large quantities of pie filling. 

Day1. I completely fail to make sure that I had all the ingredients required before peeling, coring and slicing 2 dozen apples.  I didn't have the car so I ended up juicing about 6 of those apples that took so long to prepare all for a measly 2 cups of apple juice and I ended up having to go to the store that evening to stock up for day 2. 

I should note that we have VERY hard water here and so I have to use several gallons of distilled water  for the water bath. I should also note that I failed to get more water....

Day 2. Lots of apple pie filling. It's going well. I prep all the peaches and pour the rest of my water into the canner (preparing peaches takes forever by the way). I put the last couple of apple jars in the canner and, POP! Jar breaks. Apple pie filling EVERYWHERE. The last of my precious water is totally contaminated. I have 7 quarts of peaches just sitting there waiting to be turned into pie filling. I have a pot of sugar and clearjel just waiting for the peaches. Oh, and I don't have the car. While dealing with all that I had left my huge food storage bucket of sugar open and the 4 year old decided to taste it...which, incidentally resulted in sugar all over the floor.

I ended up waiting for Paul to come home (which resulted in browner, mushier peaches than I would have liked, even with drenching them in lemon juice) and spent the entire evening canning up peach pie filling.  I can't say that I'm eager to do any more canning for awhile. In any case, I've got a bunch of delicious pie filling going on in my cupboard.

one of those days...

Today started off well enough. I ate cheerios and watched cartoons with James before we got ready to swap the car with Paul. Then we went to the library and the park before heading over to the medical center for my appointment today.

That's where the trouble began. I'd only been to this office once before and Paul drove. The medical center is this huge beast of a place with hospitals and unmarked parking garages EVERYWHERE. My GPS was confused and showed a random dot in the middle of some complex somewhere but really didn't know what to tell me as far as where to go next. I wouldn't know where I was at until I was already at the gate and there was no turning around so I had to take a ticket and find my way to the exit. At one point I thought I recognized where I was so we got out and started walking only to realize that I had no clue as to my whereabouts. So I went to another parking garage, parked, got out, walked around, was lost, walked back, cried, drove around some more...

So I sent Paul a message that said something like, "I'm so lost, don't know if I'm going to make it to my appointment." Then he started sending me texts that said things like, "calm down," and, "it'll be fine," which did absolutely nothing to calm me down.  I stood still in the humid heat holding a very sweaty 4 year old's hand and called the office to tell them I wasn't coming (because I'd cried multiple times already and felt pretty much done...I blame hormones).

I got the automated: Please hold, we value you as a patient blah blah blah. This went on for at least 5 minutes before an actual human being picked up. 5 minutes may as well have been an hour. James had no idea what to say to me other than he didn't want to hold the hand of the sweaty, hysterical woman who happens to be his mother. The lady was really nice and said there was no need to cancel the appointment and that she'd stay on the phone with me until I found them. I cried and cried and tried to explain where I was and she said not to worry because they get these calls all the time and it's a hard place to find and yada yada. I finally made it.

I was a hot mess. Red in the face from sun exposure, hair wild and crazy from the humidity, completely drenched in sweat and on the verge of mental break down at any moment. No one said anything though and I really didn't feel like rehashing the experience. A random nurse brought me a cup of water. Apparently I looked like I needed it. The appointment lasted all of 10 minutes and my Dr. informed that I'd gained more weight than he'd have liked this month and how about I watch that this next month...

I've taken a cold shower and a nap and I still feel emotionally exhausted from the whole thing. Dramatic?

maybe.

Unfortunately, drowning my sorrows in sugar isn't really an option now as I'm already fat enough as it is. Thank goodness Duck Dynasty comes on tonight. The end.

Miracles

Earlier this year I was faced with a big decision.  James was going on 4 and after trying unsuccessfully for so long to have another child I needed to make a choice. Two roads were before me: 1) Keep on trying, don't give up, live life as though I'd have more children, or 2) accept that perhaps the Lord has a different plan for my life and that I can still be of worth as a mom of one.

There was a lot of soul searching, pleading with the Lord, crying on my husband's shoulder, searching the scriptures and journal writing that got me through this time. In the end, I decided that I needed to accept the life that Heavenly Father had given me and move forward with faith that He had a reason for it. 

Once I finally made that decision to enjoy the life that I have and stop mourning the life I might never have, I was able to experience happiness.  It was such a huge burden lifted off of me. No more taking my temperature every morning and marking a little chart at the side of my bed. No more pregnancy tests that would just disappoint me. I just got to enjoy being a wife and being a mom of one great kid. 

It's not an easy place to get to. It's easy to just say, "I give up" and wave the white flag, but it's an entirely different matter to come to a place in your heart where you really truly feel defeat and accept it. It's not an easy road, but through the journey I've met some great women who deal with similar infertility/sterility issues. I never would have met these girls or understood their strength and pain had I not been given this trial from the Lord. It is nice to have a network of people who understand the pain behind the struggle and instead of telling you to "just relax and it'll happen," or "maybe this is God's answer to you," are able to comfort you on a level that only someone who really understands can. It brings Mosiah 18:9 to life "Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort..." 

I'm grateful for the understanding I have gained of Heavenly Father's love for me, despite the challenges I've been faced with. The hardest part of the journey has been knowing that what we wanted was a righteous desire and a commandment from the Lord and not understanding what lesson we are supposed to be learning and why.

And then there are miracles... 

Three months after we had made the decision to move on, I took a pregnancy test. I was completely ready for the one line to show up, throw it in the trash, and move on like I'd done a million times before.

There were two lines. 

I called Paul upstairs and he was elated. I just fell to the ground and sobbed. I felt so many emotions. Shock, disbelief, happiness, fear, gratitude, hope, doubt. It's a lot to feel all at once!

At first I was extremely skeptical given our experience with the miscarriage and having a full understanding of "missed miscarriage." I found myself very detached from the pregnancy for the first couple of weeks. Then the illness came and I felt like maybe this was for real. Luckily I married a man who doesn't take issue with doing laundry and cooking meals and doing dishes on top of the 12 hour work day he already puts in. Hearing the tiny heart beat at 8 weeks didn't hurt my optimism ;)

As the morning sickness went away and the energy returned I found myself nervous yet again since I was still early to be able to feel the baby, but past all the icky symptoms of reassurance. Today I got a surprise ultrasound at my appointment! It was so exciting to see our little baby jumping and kicking. It's finally real. We are having a baby in January!

I am feeling as good as can be expected. I'm looking forward to watching James with a little sibling. I know that he will be a fantastic big brother and I'm so grateful that the Lord has given us a chance to have another baby. At the same time, I'm going into this with my eyes open and a full knowledge that this very well could be our last baby and with that I will cherish every sleepless night!