It Came to Pass...

Last night we finished the Book of Mormon. This is our second year in a row successfully getting through a standard work (last year was New Testament).  I can't tell you what an accomplishment this is, although those of you with little kids probably understand.

I almost gave up this year. 

At one point Paul and James were rough housing and laughing (how DARE they, ha ha) and I quit. I thought, maybe when Paul starts acting his age and James is older and can sit still for longer than 3.2 seconds we'll try again.

For a week.

But then I realized that if I quit, I wasn't teaching James anything good. So we resumed with a different attitude and I'm so glad that we did.

Every night for the past month it has been James who has reminded us that it's time to read scriptures. He's been engaged by them! My little 3 year old has been listening and asking millions of questions about the scriptures. It makes our scripture study last at least twice as long, but I don't mind answering his questions like: 

What does 'it came to pass' mean?

Who is so and so?

Those guys were naughty, huh?

Why do they say 'it came to pass' so much?

And his constant repeating of what we read to try to understand the language of the scriptures.

We all would have missed out on so much if I had just quit because it was hard.  I know that there will probably be times when I feel like quitting again, but for right now I'm just grateful that we were able to finish it and we are so excited to start our Christmas advent tomorrow!

Fall

So...Autumn flew past quickly!  The last few months are sort of a blur. It seems like the bulk of our time has been spent applying for jobs, interviewing, and looking for more jobs to apply to. It's been harder than we anticipated. I thought for sure we'd have something lined up by now, but no such luck....yet. We fee fortunate that we still have a job after graduation, even though it's not the best.

We actually bought him an Iron Man costume this year, but he wanted me to make him a Captain America costume instead.

Anyway, we did manage to get out a little bit and have some fun. We took James to the Red Barn in Santaquin, Utah. We went on a hay ride, picked out some pumpkins and dug for treasure in a huge sand box (we didn't find anything).  

Later that week we went to Grandpa and Grandma Willardson's for some trick-or-treating with Lorelei. They were so cute and had so much fun together.

For Thanksgiving this year we went to my parent's house.  It was a lot of work, but just as good as always.  We spent the night on Wednesday so we could have plenty of time to cook. James had so much fun watching the Macy's Thanksgiving parade with family.

I honestly can't believe that Christmas is here! 

The Summer

I haven't been very good at blogging lately as we've been so busy. We had such a fun-filled and busy summer this year. I'm sorry for the lack of pictures in this post.  Here is some of what we did:

Participated in the Provo Library's Reading Program
James' 3rd Birthday Party
Took a trip to California to move my Grandma to Utah
Went Swimming and went to the splashpads
Had lots of BBQ's
Campout in Spanish Fork
Spent time with friends and family
James got his first (hopefully last?) stitches
Said good-bye to some dear friends
Watched lots of fireworks (from our apartment complex...you can go ahead and be jealous now)
Helped a lot of people move
Drive-in Movies
Went Day Camping
City Summer Festivities
Went to the Brigham City temple open house
Oh, and I've lost 22 pounds. I wish I could say that that was all I had to lose, but I'll probably be on this diet until March.

It was a really great summer and we had so much fun, but we are really excited for Fall, Paul graduating, moving on to a new job (and possibly a new state!), and of course, Christmas.  It's pretty stressful right now with so many different things in the works with job hunting and trying to come up with ideas for Christmas, but we are VERY excited to be done with school. It's been an extraordinarily long journey.

Figaro

August 4th, 1997- August 29th, 2012

  

Figaro, my faithful little kitty of over half my life, ended his journey.

He is resting under the tree where he spent most of his time.

Rest in peace, baby boy.

A James Post: In Which I Brag About My Kid

So, it's been a really long time since I did an update on James so I figured I should change that. 

He's about 35 pounds (feels like fifty), 38 inches tall and has a seriously huge head (we had to buy him a helmet for 8 year old's).


He's a mama's boy. Majorly. It's ok with me. I love that my 3 year old asks me if I'll snuggle him multiple times a day. I know this won't last forever so I take advantage of it. It's nice to take breaks from housework to just sit on the couch holding my big boy while he chats away. He randomly says that he loves all day long. He's made up a little jingle that he frequently sings:
I love Mommy, I love Daddy, I love James....over and over and over. He's one of the sweetest kids I know. He really cares about people and their feelings and is extraordinarily well-behaved.

James knows most of his alphabet by sight and can count to thirty. He can spell his name (verbally, and recognizes it visually) and is learning to spell simple three letter words. He's doing such a great job and I'm so proud of him. He is struggling with drawing/writing. We can't tell if he's left or right handed or both. I've tried to just step back and let him use whichever hand he wants, but I feel like he's a little confused sometimes. He eats and brushes his teeth with his left hand, which leads me to believe that it's his dominant hand, but then he'll throw and draw with his right. I really have no clue! Hopefully we can figure it out before he goes to school. Until then, his drawing skills are pretty limited..but, he's only 3, so we have some time.

We finally ditched the pull-up once and for all. I was using it at night because he kept falling off of his toddler bed and crawling into our bed in the wee small hours and I really didn't want him accidentally peeing in MY bed.  My sister just got married and my parents gave us her bed. It's perfect because it was a top bunk so it has rails on both sides! He LOVES his new bed. He can sleep in all the weird positions he wants and loves having all that space to himself...in underpants. Yay!

He really wants to be a big kid. He talks about how he's going to grow up all the time. His current dream is to play soccer. He REALLY wants to play games with older kids. He gets so excited when the opportunity presents itself that he mostly just runs around like crazy with bouts of insane laughter. Every time he eats he informs us that the food is traveling down his throat, into his tummy, down his legs, and into his toes (which he calls turtles...why I don't know) and because of this process he states that he is getting bigger.

His favorite person right now is his Peepaw (Grandpa Willardson).  He loves to terrorize him by blowing bubbles at him with his bubble gun, talking his ear off, and just chasing him around.

He plays very well on his own. His imagination just astounds me. I'm so glad that he can sit down and entertain himself for hours on end...because the other hours on end are spent asking me millions of questions. And questions are great! Really! But after hours of questioning your nerves sort of...yeah.

He is super friendly, unlike me. I'm a major introvert and that kid is really pushing me out of my comfort zone. He says hello to everyone he meets in this loud, obnoxious little voice; he waves and smiles and draws a lot of unwanted attention. BUT, I'm glad that he's not shy. Being shy really sucks. They call it "painful" for a reason. No, really. It is. So I'm glad that he's not like that because I think he'll have an easier time at life.  He loves people so much. As an introvert, I recharge by being alone. Being around people excessively is very draining and quiet, alone time is my recovery. James is just. the. opposite.  If we don't go out enough he starts getting really grouchy. He NEEDS people, which is just weird to me. I have to work really hard to find a happy balance between our different personalities and needs. He's always teaching me something or another.

He loves church and is so great about saying prayers (although he currently thinks that it's hilarious to begin his prayer (Dear...) and end it right afterwards (In the name...).  He is a great helper in FHE and loves to sing primary songs before bed. He finds scripture study to be boring and struggles to stay reverent, but he at least tries. We get compliments for his good behavior constantly.

He loves to make people laugh. He loves making up knock-knock jokes that make no sense. His punch lines are often missing, but his laughter is so contagious that it doesn't really matter.  He loves helping in the kitchen. He has his own apron and helps prepare dinner every night (adding at least a half hour to prep time, but he loves it). He sets the table all by himself and is a really great cleaner around the house. He will clean any given room if asked and will do so almost perfectly. It's quite impressive.

He is my practically perfect child. I have very little problems with him and feel really lucky to have him.

California Trip

On July 5th we woke up early and loaded our stuff into my grandma's van and headed to California.
She can't really take care of herself anymore and so my parents have been slowly moving her to Utah.
We decided to go with them. My dad PROMISED that there wasn't much left to do and we could go see the "sites." ha ha.

Paul and my dad took turns driving the truck and my mom and I switched off driving the van.
James was amazingly good. He didn't have an accident (pants) the whole way. I was so proud of him! Granted, my grandma had to go to the bathroom every  2 miles so...

Turns out there was a LOT of work to do. It's a good thing we came because I don't think my parents would have been able to finish it by themselves. James really loved being able to hang out with his "pee-paw"  for 4 days straight. He told me after we got home that he is "pee-paw's little buddy." Melt my heart.

So we did do a few things while we were there. We went to see my grandfather's grave and we went to see the Sundial Bridge. Paul cleaned off the patio and made a nice space for us to relax while we were there. 


There was plenty of drama to keep us entertained.


On the way home we weren't so lucky with being accident-in-your-pants free. Poor James needed to go about 10 minutes before we got to every stop. Luckily I had him in a pull-up. He was quite distraught. It was when we were in the middle of the Nevada desert that he informed us that he needed to go #2. So we pulled over on the side of the road and James had his first successful roadside experience. 


Later that day we got pulled over by a highway patrolman and miraculously were left with a mere warning. Considering my maternal parental unit was going 90 and my grandma didn't have recent registration or insurance paperwork, it was pretty much a miracle.


Poor Paul had to go to work the next morning and barely had 4 hours of sleep. He is pretty much amazing.

The trailer full of stuff.

My three favorite guys

Watching Disney movies and being awesome

Walking on the Sundial Bridge

Independence Day

July 4th is my second favorite holiday (after Christmas). I love what it stands for.

I love summer, fireworks, and

America.

I need to make more of these!

We started off the celebration on the 3rd by heading over to Colonial Fest. It was a lot of fun and they had some really cool displays/demonstrations.

On the 4th we went over to my parents for the day. We brought James' little pool and let him splash around in the back yard, Paul grilled, and we had fun with sidewalk chalk, bubbles and fireworks.

Need to get me one of these

LOVE this photo

Look, Mom! A canon! It's real, it's real!

The End.

James Turns Three

Can you believe it? THREE years!

I can't.

Feels like yesterday I was bringing him home.

Now he's running around like crazy, talking our ears off, and reminding me more and more of a big kid.

I love him.

For his birthday he originally wanted this waterfall cake. He saw it in the Wilton magazine and has been dreaming of this cake for months.

There was no way this cake was happening.

I tried convincing him that a costco cake would be ideal.

"No, Mommy. YOU are going to make me a cake"

So I made him pick another cake.

We looked at party ideas on pinterest for hours until he finally decided on a train cake. I got my inspiration from these two cakes:

     

The first cake fell to pieces when I started frosting it. I called my sister, in tears. She brought over cake supplies, cake, frosting and I got back to work. 6 hours later:

All but two pictures from his party are on my dad's camera.

We went to Grandpa's house in Spanish Fork and had a lunch of hot dogs and blue juice (picked by James, of course) before he blew out the candles.

He got lots of presents and had so much fun!

This week he got a belated gift of money so we decided to go use his Toys R Us coupon and get something cool. Because he redeemed the coupon, he got a birthday crown and balloon. He wanted to take the rest of his money to the Disney Store. Because he came in with a birthday crown, they gave him a birthday pin! I'm telling you, it was quite the un-birthday!

Happy Birthday to my boy!

Library Reading Program 2012

I enrolled James in the Provo Library's reading program this summer. He had SO much fun.
Every week we went to the library and made a craft for which he received a sticker to put in his reading "passport." After he filled it up with stickers he got a prize--free admission to the Veteran's Pool in Provo.

He also had a reading log. For every 20 minutes we read together he got to color in a star and when he finished that he got the ultimate prize:
Trick or Treating in July at the Library

Since we already read together an hour + a day, this was easy to fulfill. It was also great getting new books every week instead of every two weeks that we previously went.
It was crazy and surreal for me because I remember taking my two youngest sisters to the library reading program in Hemet like it was yesterday!

Here are some pictures of his Library adventures:

Firecracker Hat

Pizza Craft

Everyone is Having Babies

...except me.

So, this week I was thinking how I'd be 36 weeks and probably be gearing up for an induction next week. I'd have another baby next week had I not lost it.

I can't tell you how hard it is.

In the last two weeks I have had 5 friends give birth to babies (and there are still two more to go!).

This is great for them. Especially some who have struggled with infertility.  My anguish in no way overshadows the happiness of the miracles others are receiving. But it still hurts.

I can't wait for my due date to pass. I feel like it is this big huge horrible thing looming over me. In reality, it'll probably be another day of dishes, laundry, chasing the boy and a few tears.  I just can't wait for that day to be over.  I had really been hoping to be pregnant by then so that it would make the day less horrible.

God has other plans.

I don't know why. I don't pretend to understand it at all.

I feel ridiculous. Pitiful. Helpless.

Barren.

This has come as a surprise to me as I have been doing so well the last few months. Hopefully I can return to that place soon.

Fish in a Box

Mr. P. and my little J. LOVE fish tanks. They spend hours perusing coral and exotic fish together. They currently care for a much smaller fish tank but look forward to graduation when they will upgrade to a real reef tank.

I've been noticing a LOT of fish related crafts on pinterest lately and thought, wouldn't it be cool to put together a cardboard fish tank to hold all those awesome fishy crafts?

Yes.

So we mixed up some paint and got to work.

My little cutie painting the outside of the box

Painting the inside paper

Then we did some handprint fish (which there are no pictures of because I was otherwise occupied) and painted cheerios for our coral. J. may or may not have EATEN some yellow cheerios. Sick. Thankfully the yellow paint is crayola brand and not acrylic like the blue...

Ideas for the fish and coral can be found here, here, and here.

ta da!

We plan to make more fishies for his "tank" this summer!

Infertility Sucks

I used to think that being infertile meant that you were sterile. 

That is until my bff started her journey with infertility. 

If it takes a woman a year or more to become pregnant, she is considered infertile.

She tried getting pregnant for years.

At first they thought maybe it just took them longer.

Then came the fertility testing and the string of puzzling bad news.

I remember her sadness, despair and depression over the matter as they struggled for years to conceive.

When we decided to start our family in September of 2007 I remember being afraid that I might get pregnant before her and crush her.

Then I began experiencing my own journey.  

It was helpful to have each other to lean on during that difficult time. 

Over a year later in October of 2008, she was the one who convinced me to take a pregnancy test. I didn't even think I was pregnant.

When I saw those two lines in the bathroom stall at work, I knew I couldn't keep it from her.

I called her, crying my eyes out.

I felt happy for myself, but so, so sad for her.

She was the first to know (yes, even before Paul. Shameful, I know).

When I was in the hospital recovering from having James, she was in the hospital undergoing a procedure to try to become pregnant. I vaguely remember our conversation despite all the drugs I was on at the time.

Two months later, it worked! She was pregnant.

Our kids are almost a year apart in age.

Time went on.

Then it was time to try again.

I dreaded it from the start because of my previous experience with infertility.

I was hoping that all of the baloney about getting pregnant easily the second time was true.

But it wasn't. At least not for me.

We started trying in November of 2010.

She started trying in 2011 and got her positive test a month before I did after only 2 months.

I was so excited for her and her swift pregnancy. Especially after all she went through.

But, the sadness for myself was overwhelming.

I suddenly understood to some degree how she must have felt when I got my positive over a year before her. I cried for her. I cried for myself.

Friends that had had children around the same time as James were giving birth to second children and becoming pregnant with third children.

I was overcome with gratitude when I found out that I was pregnant in December.

I was pregnant with two of my dearest friends.

Then, I lost it. 

Their pregnancies continue on.

I'm now in my 5th month of trying and each month that I don't become pregnant brings disappointment.

I feel like we have basically been trying for the past 19 months (even though I was pregnant for two of them).

My sweet little James begs for a sibling.

People who don't know say stupid things, like, "your son needs a brother"

I know. Thanks for rubbing it in!

These past few months have been hard.

Today I opened up my June Ensign and read a fantastic article about infertility.

I loved that the woman who wrote it really studied the scriptures about the "barren" women that the Lord has sent children to because I had never even thought of that!

It was an answer to my prayers.

I cannot tell you how long and hard I have prayed to accept the Lord's timing in my life and our family planning.

Today I can tell you that I do.

I know that while it doesn't make sense to me sometimes, the Lord has a purpose for my life.

He listens to me. He knows the desires of my heart and I have faith that we will be able to complete our family...

someday.

Motherhood

Almost three years ago my life was changed forever.

I became a mother.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mom and there is nothing else I'd rather do.

Becoming a mother wasn't the easiest process for me, and while I have truly struggled with my ability to have more children, I am overwhelmingly thankful for the little boy that I call my own.

He is the light of my life.

If he is the only child that my Heavenly Father entrusts me with, I will have so much to be grateful for.

It isn't perfect and is a lot of work, but it is by far the most rewarding work I have ever done.

Happy Mother's Day!

Nightmares in Potty Training

Potty training was not a fun experience. I was told that boys can be a nightmare to train. 

True that.

James caught on quite quickly as to what he was to do, but knowing what to do and actually doing are two completely different matters. 

I got a lot of unwanted advice. Mostly people telling me that he wasn't ready. But many of these people don't realize that diapers are forty bucks a box and we are still starving students.

Unfortunately, cleaning out underwear is tons cheaper than diapers.

He was very good about going pee in the potty (he had that down a year ago), but poo was a different matter.

I read a lot of books. 

The books lied.

I know that every child is different. 

But my child had no issue with sitting in his own excrement.

The books gave a million ideas of how to train a child in three days or less:

M&Ms

Praise

Stickers

Prizes

Or, no prizes allowed

Everyone was pretty clear on not yelling or punishing.

And so I tried being calm.

Then I tried (not calm) timeout..but it didn't work.

Nothing was getting through to this little monster of mine. I was starting to feel like a total failure as a parent.

His future looked bleak as a 1st grader in diapers.

So one day, after cleaning poo out of  his underpants for the 9,483rd time,

I took Buzz.

I put him in the closet and informed the little person that the only way to get Buzz back would be to poo in the potty.

I fully expected him to test me to see if that really was the only way to get Buzz back, 

and he did. 

I took Woody, his puppy, his camera, his trike...

And he finally got it.

I haven't cleaned out underpants for two weeks and...

it's the best thing ever.

The Hearts of the Children

As many of you may know, the 1940 census was recently released. 

I've been trying to get at least one batch indexed from as many states as I possibly can (some states are already  complete so there's no hope of getting them all, otherwise I would). 

I found my grandparents and my great-grandparents.  It was very exciting to see their names on the census and feel the brief connection with my Grandma. 

Gosh, I miss her. 

In my search for my grandparents I had a little chat with my dad and found out some things I didn't know before. I had always assumed that my grandparents had met in Utah since they were both born here. 

Turns out I was wrong.

Grandpa was living with family in National City, California and Grandma moved to National City to live with her Aunt. He was a linoleum layer. She worked at an orange packing plant. They met at a church dance, fell in love and traveled back to Utah to get married in the Salt Lake temple (where we were married 66 years later to the day).

My dad assumed that they were both in National City in 1940 since they got married in 1941, but I was already halfway done searching Brigham City records when I found Grandma. She was still living with her mother and was only 17.  She was a mere year away from being sealed to Grandpa.

This year the Brigham City Temple will be completed. The new temple sits on the plot where Grandma used to live. I cannot wait to go. 

I love family history. 

I love to know who and where we came from.

I love that we can be together forever.

That knowledge keeps me going.

Random Update

Life is going on here. Some days are worse than others. I find myself breaking down over seemingly small things every now and then. I'm lucky to have some awesome friends and family and the gospel to keep me grounded. 

Don't give up.

Don't you quit.

You keep walking.

You keep trying.

There is happiness ahead...

You keep your chin up

It will be alright in the end.

Trust in god and believe in good things to come.

- Elder Holland

Anyways, onto happier things:

I did some more sewing (of course). A vest for James and a shirt for myself. 

Dr. Seuss' Birthday

We made a cat in the hat hat from paper, tape and a paper plate, and read a bunch of the books. 

St. Patrick's Day

James loves green. He LOVES it. Seriously. It's his favorite color (he says so several times a day). He firmly believes that almost everything would be better if it were green So you can see why I was excited about St. Patrick's Day this year-it's GREEN day!

We all wore our green shirts (no pictures of this...oops), had a green breakfast of waffles and green fruit salad. James wore his special green hat all day long and we made a fun rainbow craft and did an awesome preschool packet. He had a blast!

Easter

We took James to an Easter egg hunt at the BYU football stadium. We got him a Cosmo DVD for Christmas and he's been obsessed with Cosmo ever since. He was more excited to meet Cosmo then he was to hunt eggs. It was fun though.

 

On Easter Sunday we went to my parent's house and James had a little egg hunt there as well. He had so much fun. Uncle Ryan even showed him how to throw rocks. Yay. 

James Being Silly

 Oh, and I also made James some new bedding! I actually did this the day before the miscarriage and totally forgot about it! I wish I had a better camera. It's pretty awesome though.